Once Upon a Ghostly Summons
by FallsKiss
Summary: Hermione summons Beetlejuice and makes a deal with him to teach Malfoy a life lesson about name calling; not realizing the havoc that she will cause and the price she'll have to pay. Rating will most likely change to M after more chapters have been added.
1. Trees

**Summary: **Hermione summons Beetlejuice and makes a deal with him to teach Malfoy a life lesson about name calling; not realizing the havoc that she will cause and the price she'll have to pay. Rating will most likely change to M after more chapters have been added. Set during the start of the fifth year (1995), of course it will be AU from where I come in and take over.

**Author's Note: **I feel that I should warn any one who reads this that it is my very first fanfiction also; it's my very first written story. Ever. Surprisingly I don't own anything from the Harry Potter universe nor Beetlejuice. They Belong to JK Rowling and Geffen Company. Not together, of course.

**Chapter One**

Hermione Granger furiously ran through a little known corridor in Hogwarts, making her way down to the main entrance hall. Hands clenched tightly into fists, bottom lip between her teeth and a brow most thoroughly furrowed. _I will not cry, I will not cry! He won't have the satisfaction of making me cry, even if there is no one about to see. _Stopping suddenly, she leaned against the comfortingly cool stone wall; taking several deep breaths to calm herself. Consciously relaxing her muscles, fists unclenching, bottom lip being soothingly massaged by her tongue. _It is such a childish thing anyways._ She thought to herself. _Name calling, bloody bastard._ She smiled at her own use of name calling, even if it wasn't out loud. Huffing out a breath she continued her inner monologue. _I suppose I am being childish as well now, sinking to his level and all that. Oh well. Out of everyone here he probably deserves name calling the most anyways. _Finally gaining her composure, Hermione continued on her way through the corridor, going down the stairs and making her way to the entrance of Hogwarts. Pointedly ignoring anyone she passed by. Readjusting her bag over her shoulder and passing through the front doors, Hermione hurried on to find a nice tree by the lake where she could take her time to get over herself and perhaps read a book or two to relax and take her mind off of things. _Too bad I can't have a nice cup of tea as well, but I'd rather be outside and alone anyway. Goodness knows that if I went and told the boys what happened to me on the way to arithmancy class, they'd go ahead and jumpstart the war in school, starting with Malfoy._

Finding a rather grand old oak, she pulled off her bag, straightened her robe and sat down at the very base of the tree. Leaning against the trunk she crossed her legs, pulled a book from her bag and placed it her lap. _Hogwarts, A History_ now stared up at her, frowning at said book Hermione thought to herself: _Mudblood, Hmph, what sort of such a foul word it is to begin with, honestly whoever thought of it in the first place? Oh that's right people who would think that my blood is "dirty" for not being born to parents of magical descent. As if I picked my parents, really, purebloods act as if I floated around in some sort of magical non-existence then one day decided that Mr. and Mrs. Granger look like a nice muggle couple and oh I know why don't I just go set up shop in her womb and be born! Jolly good idea! _At this thought, Hermione rolled her eyes, if they wanted to try and keep calling her names, then so be it. She just won't let it bother her anymore, really she won't. Besides the war was coming and she'd have to deal with worse name calling and other nastiness at that. She just needs to toughen her exterior is all._ With as good as I am at properly casting spells, there shouldn't be too much to worry about._ It was such a warm and lovely day that Hermione decided that she was going to go ahead and enjoy it. Opening up her favorite book to read, she set upon more pleasant thoughts. Wind sighing through the old oak tree, she looked up to the sky tracking the path of the sun. Finding its location she knew that she'd have time to read a bit before lunch. _Well at least by then I'll be in a much better mood to lunch with Ron and Harry._

* * *

><p>As the sun was reaching the mid point of its daily journey, Hermione stood from her spot underneath the oak and stretched her now sore limbs. Replacing her book in her bag as she did so, Hermione turned to study the tree that she had been lounging against for several hours. Running her fingers along the bark and tracing imaginary patterns, she noticed that the knuckles of right hand were now red. Grimacing, she thought to herself: <em>Perhaps I shouldn't have been so hasty as to punch him. Again. <em>Yes, she, Hermione Jean goody-goody, always-adds-an-extra-foot-of-parchment-onto-any-essay, never breaks the rules (excepting of course for when she's out gallivanting around with the boys and the situation nearly always necessitated it, _**nearly always **_of course) Granger, had once again resorted to punching one Draco Malfoy in the nose. She had been on her way to arithmancy class; in a hurry even though class wouldn't be starting for another twenty minutes (she always preferred to be early to class). Thinking the halls were empty as no one else ever seemed in a rush to get to class, she had been looking at the floor and not paying attention to her surroundings. That's when it happened, there at the base of the stairs leading up to the arithmancy class room.

_Wham!_

"_Granger! Ugh!" Malfoy exclaimed._

_Uh oh, thought Hermione, this can not be good. _

"_Can't you watch where you're going? Now I've got your filth all over me!" _

"_Fil… filth?"_

"_Yes of course filth! You're just lucky no one was around to see a filthy little mudblood run full bodily into me, don't you know how embarrassing that would be for me?" _

_Hermione's cheeks began to heat with anger; he did __**not**__ just call her that foul name again! "It's so disgusting to have my skin come into contact with yours then?" _

"_Well duh Granger and here I thought you were the brightest witch of your age. Guess not, well what can one expect from a mudblood? The brightest you could possibly get would be 'murky'." At this Malfoy smirked, fully enjoying his insults. _

_And thinking nothing more of it, Hermione pulled her right hand back into a fist and preceded to soundly punch Malfoy right on his nose, hard enough to hear it crack. Instantly appalled at her loss of self control, she grabbed her bag off the floor and fled down the hall in the opposite direction as fast as should could, leaving behind a thoroughly shocked and outraged Malfoy._

Finishing her tree bark pattern tracing, Hermione began pulling her bag into place over her shoulders. Deciding it would be best to follow along the trees of the Forbidden Forest as she made her way back to the castle. Musing to her self as she walked: _Darn it all, he was probably more insulted by the fact that I used a muggle fighting technique than he was by the fact that I touched him. At least the look on his face was priceless. Though, if I had been a pureblood like Ginny I most likely would have used a bat-bogey hex on him instead of punching him. I just can't help thinking like a muggle first sometimes; I really really need to work on that. Violence is just so vile, and unnecessary._ Making her way around the bend of trees coming into close proximity of the bridge to the castle and about to cross into the clearing before it, Hermione stumbled upon a most curious sight.


	2. Ghostly Gossip

**Chapter Two**

_What on earth is Nearly Headless Nick doing outside of the Castle? And lurking about just inside the Forbidden Forest no less?_ Seeing another ghost, one whom she'd never seen before, glide out of the thick of the forest to greet Nearly Headless Nick. Hermione noted that this ghost was carrying his fully severed head in his hands, about chest level. He was grinning a little manically as well. Hermione decided right then and there that it would be best for her to see what this is all about. Walking backwards ever so quietly Hermione positioned her self just so behind a nearby tree. Breathing as lightly as possible so as to not be heard, Hermione tried to still her beating heart so that the blood rushing in her veins wouldn't drown out what was being said. After all, not nice things did tend to come out of the Forbidden Forest; it would only be prudent for her to know if this was some sort of new threat. Sliding her wand from the inside of her sleeve to her hand, Hermione held it there at the ready. Just in case the situation would call for use of a wand. _Oh look, now I'm probably being silly and paranoid at ghosts getting together. Well, better safe than sorry. _

"Nearly Headless Nick, good to see you, you old dog! Still being kept from the Headless Hunt?" The new ghost greeted rather enthusiastically, a bit too enthusiastic if you'd ask Hermione.

"But of course I am, and you well know it! Come now Clearly Headless Clarence, what is it you've got for me this time?" _Clearly Headless Clarence?_ Hermione was beginning to think ghosts thought much too much about the attachments of their heads, or their lack thereof as it is. At this thought, Hermione had to stifle a giggle, _attachment to a non attachment of the head._

"Well now, don't sound like such a sourpuss about it. Besides you know that I could get into some serious trouble for this, they don't much care for those of us who sneak out of the Otherside you know. With all that 'one way trip' sort of business they're on about." _Otherside? Sneaking?_

"Alright, alright. The other ghosts would have a fit and feel the need to reattach my head, to my shame if I didn't return with some bit of gossip for them, what's the news from across the veil?" _Gossip? Ghostly gossip? Ghosts breaking rules to gossip?_ Hermione was quick to realize that there was much she didn't know about ghosts and that was something she planned on remedying as quickly as possible.

"Ah, remember that grand fiasco we all heard about seven years ago, you know" Here is where Clearly Headless Clarence lowered his voice conspiratorially. "The one about You-Know-Who?" Hermione stiffened at hearing this. _Ghostly discussions concerning Voldemort? This is not good._

Nearly Headless Nick gasped at this, though who knows why seeing as he was a ghost, a nearly headless one at that and no longer required to breath. Shock it was Hermione supposed.

"Do you mean to say That-He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named is loose again?" _Wait, He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named? Not He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?_

Clearly Headless Clarence shifted his head to the crook of his elbow "Well not so much loose as it's been said that he's out of that awful government type of building that they have over on _that_ side. Can you believe it? Apparently the chap hadn't really broken any rules! Loopholes, willful agreements or some such. Anyhow I wonder just how long it will take before he stirs up some more trouble, eh? Very exciting don't you think? Him not getting exorcised and all." At this Clearly Headless Clarence's slightly maniacal grin widened to full on insane. "Gives hope for the rest of us trying to find a way back."

Hermione's eyebrows shot up. _Find a way back! That has got to be a very large violation of the afterlife rules, I'm sure of it. _

"Hmm, you do know that there are those of us who would like to _move on_, now I'm not saying I'm one of them, because I'm not. But there's really no point in coming back, everyone's going to end up over there anyways. Might as well stay and get comfy."

"You're only saying that since you're still technically on this side! You have no idea how droll it can get over there. Besides surely you know by now that not everyone goes to the same place." Well that's not something Hermione knew, and now she wasn't so sure she _should_ be hearing this. After all one's probably not meant to know what comes after death until one, well until one actually dies. _Oh great Merlin! I'm probably breaking some sort of rule just by hearing this conversation. _

"Of course I know that!" Nearly Headless Nick snapped. "But you know what I meant; you're just trying to have fun by twisting my words and getting rise out me. I won't let you."

"See look here, I can't help it. It's just that boring on the Otherside. Maybe I should try my hand at becoming a Bio-Exorcist? What do you think Nicky?" _What in the name of the magical community is a Bio-Exorcist?_

"Don't call me that, and no I do not think it would be wise to pursue such a career. All you can do here is semi-manifest anyways isn't it? You would certainly have to do far more than just showing up to be an effective Bio-Exorcist, right?"

"Yes, yes. It is a rather clever title though, don't you agree? I do believe he even coined it. Too bad slightly manifesting is all that I can do. Being a Bio-Exorcist just sounds like so much fun." Here Clearly Headless Clarence sighed.

"It wouldn't be worth the trouble you'd get into anyhow. Just think of how much trouble you could get into for being here, right now as you are, barely manifested." Nearly Headless Nick proclaimed.

At this comment Clearly Headless Clarence brightened just a bit. "You're absolutely right!" Shifting his head back to his hands, chest high he said: "I ought to be heading back about now anyways, there really wasn't much more to tell than that little snippet. So enjoy spreading the news." As he wandered back in the forest he called out to Nearly Headless Nick. "Have a nicely nearly headless day!" The sound of snickering immediately followed.

"Why must they all always be an ass about my issue? It's not as if I can snip this remaining flap of skin, I'm already dead! I can't help it if the executioner botched the job." Nearly Headless Nick continued on like this until all Hermione could hear was indistinguishable mumbling as he drifted back towards the castle.

Waiting a few more moments just to make sure that Nearly Headless Nick was well and truly on his way back to the castle, Hermione looked around a bit. _Well that was interesting to say the least. I've definitely got to get up to the library this evening and read anything that I can about ghosts. I wonder why I've never looked up any information before. Oh that's right so busy with war, and preparations for the war it just never seemed important before._ After determining that no one else was about Hermione took off hastily towards the castle. It was quite a bit past noon and she knew that by now she would be late for lunch. Quickening her pace as she was hungry, also the boys being who they were would start to worry if she didn't show up for lunch. _Probably think that I'd got snatched by a death eater. _


	3. Your Mum

**Chapter Three **

Hermione entered the great hall, not daring to glance even remotely at the Slytherin table; she made her way towards the trio's usual sitting spot at the Gryffindor table. Halfway down the table, Hermione was duly spotted by one very loud mouthed Ron Weasly.

"Oi! 'Mione, where're you been off too? We were startin' to get worried about you, you know!"

_Shut it Ron! I don't want any attention drawn to me! _Sniffing loudly as she sat down next to Harry and across from Ron, Hermione spoke, "Maybe it's none of your business where've I been off to _Ron_, I'm not some lost little girl who's weak as milk toast." Arranging her bag by her feet, she mumbled, "Sorry I'm a bit late, I was, uh, held up spying on some ghosts."

Taking a chance, Hermione quickly glanced over her left shoulder and looked at the Slytherin table. Right into the eyes and face of one very angry Slytherin prince. He seemed to be glaring awfully hard at her. Hermione briefly wondered if she'd finally pushed him over some sort of edge when she socked him. His nose seemed to be slightly swollen and bruised, but otherwise okay. _Looks like someone went and healed his own broken nose, probably doesn't want any one to know what happened. _Hermione thought as she turned back to her present company.

" 'Mione it's not like we think that at all, you know we know you're capable. It's jus' that it's getting very serious now. And we care a lot 'bout you." A very somber Harry said. Looking slightly confused Harry added, "And did you jus' say you were spyin' on ghosts?"

Ron chimed back in, " Spyin' on ghosts s'not very nice 'Mione, they may be dead but they have right to privacy too. Right Harry?"

"Don't know mate, depends on why she was spyin'." Here they both looked expectantly at Hermione.

"If you both behave like good boys, I might tell you later."

"Oh c'mon 'Mione! Share!" Ron pouted.

Shifting the pot roast and yorkshire pudding around on her plate with her fork Hermione took a bite. Contemplating her answer as she chewed Hermione came to a decision. Hermione whispered, "Don't pout Ron, I will tell you." Now looking at Harry she said, "Both of you, not right now though. When we're in the proper environment for discussing what I over heard, or what I thought I over heard at least."

Harry smiled, "All right 'Mione, later then." Just as quickly he frowned, "It doesn't have anything to do with." Here he gestured towards his scar, "With this, does it?"

Hermione pursed her lips, "I don't think so, but I'm not quite sure. We're getting awfully paranoid, don't you think?"

"Reason 'Mione, we have reason to be." And that might just have been the smartest thing she'd ever heard Ron say.

Digging back into their lunches, Hermione thought she should be surprised at the fact that the boys were still eating even though she'd been twenty minutes late. Getting used to it she guessed. Finally being able to hear what else was being said around the table as Harry and Ron were busily shoveling food into their mouths like it wouldn't be there at dinnertime, Hermione's cheeks pinked at the main topic of discussion. Ron, also managing to hear as well, though how Hermione had no idea, he promptly perked up and grinned excitedly.

"Oh yeah, 'Mione did you hear that some bloke finally got fed up with Malfoy?"

"Great git he is, I wished I would have been there to see it. I wonder who'd have the bollocks to punch the ferret." Harry added.

Carefully schooling her features Hermione said, "Harry language, and no I haven't heard anything about it."

"Well plenty of time for finding out who mate, maybe he'll whine 'bout who he's going to tattle on to daddy during potions." Ron said. He added cheerfully, "Once we find out who he is we can send 'im a great big thank you note or flowers or a gift or candy. 'Ow 'bout chocolate! Everybody loves chocolate!"

Oh no, today was potions class. _Double potions class_. With slytherins, with Malfoy. _I already ditched my favorite class to avoid being in close proximity of Malfoy this morning. What's another class added to the list? Oh, potions. Professor Snape. _Hermione shuddered to think of the consequences of being caught skiving potions class. _Besides, I already feel awful enough for bunking off this morning. I really shouldn't have done it. _

Harry nodded enthusiastically, "What'll we put on the card then? 'Thanks for socking the slimy bastard'?"

"Harry!" Hermione chided.

"Geez 'Mione now that you're sixteen I'd thought you'd quit harpin' on us for usin' more, uhm, descriptive words." Ron said.

Rolling her eyes while reaching for the pumpkin juice to wash down lunch with; Hermione responded, "I didn't realize that as one ages that they should become more permissive of foul language."

Barely loud enough for her to hear Ron grumbled, "Your mum."

"Ron! Really! How uncouth of you!" Hermione exclaimed.

Unfortunately Harry had also been drinking pumpkin juice during this exchange, which left him guffawing and spewing his drink everywhere. Taking deep breaths to calm his laughter Harry said, "C'mon 'Mione that was funny."

Crossing her arms, Hermione said, "Slightly, only slightly funny. In a vulgar way."

Lunch ended on that note. The trio stood and gathered their items to head off to potions class.

**A/N: **Sorry about the short chapter, I'm working on writing better/longer chapters. Also, I'm a bit surprised people are even reading this story. It's a super niche corner of crossover fan fiction.


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